Mothers and Daughters

I was floating along in such a happy space when I last wrote it’s not surprising something burst my bubble. More specifically my mum did. We had a birthday tea for C with mum and J, my youngest. Lots of banter and fun, then J mentioned a story granny had told her – the time …

The Heart Failure Diaries 2: (making memories)

When I hear the song Memories by Barbara Striesand I think of my mum. This week I’ve been reliving my horse memories, as we’ve made the sad decision to retire the little horse. Too many issues with uncertain outcomes. I read of the horrors in Ukraine, the losses so many are having to bear and …

The Heart Failure Diaries (Endings and Beginnings)

Last Saturday my mum realised she’s going to die – soon. We don’t know how soon but soon enough we think. It’s a strange space to be in, this one of anticipatory grief and loss. The knowledge blows around you – sometimes gently reminding you to really appreciate a moment; others catching you with a …

Catching up with you all

I’ve not written for a while but for once that’s not because I’ve lapsed back into smoking dope! Tomorrow will be 5 weeks without cannabis as well as my younger daughter’s birthday! I did have a brief relapse of 5 days which I’m not sure I shared about. We got offered a little bit of …

Gratitude for C

Tomorrow is our 6th wedding anniversary. I’m writing this sat looking out at the countryside in a tiny cottage in Anglesey – (a  small island off the coast of north wales for those of you not in the UK) early in the morning with the dogs snoozing whilst C sleeps in the mezzanine bedroom above. It …

Saturday Morning Sober

I woke up early today as I have been every day lately. Had a cup of tea then got my sourdough started to bake bread later. Went back to bed and read the news – depressing as hell, then some blogs on here – uplifting heavenly antidote. Making pancakes with the sourdough discard for breakfast …

Feeling the Fear

This has been a rollercoaster of a week emotionally. My old dog had a stroke last weekend. She couldn’t walk straight, stand up to eat and was really miserable. I waited til after the weekend to call the vets fully expecting to have her put to sleep. Due to Covid they aren’t able to let …

Pandemic life

Last weekend I wasn’t in a good mood. I’ve realised that on here I do what I do in real life – when I’m feeling bad I don’t talk to anyone until after the fact so I can present it as a wrapped up dealt with scenario with myself as a far more balanced reasonable …

Lockdown diaries

I wrote this on my calendar earlier on in lockdown during a moment of frustration and although it’s true we did fuck all in April (in terms of what might need writing on a calendar) there is definitely something happening as we adjust to our stripped back lives. Other bloggers have articulated this so beautifully …

A year without alcohol

I actually can’t believe it’s been a year. When I started Kate Bee’s Sober school I didn’t expect to finish the 6 weeks! At first time seemed slower and the evenings were particularly long but then time has whizzed by and here we are. Somewhere around a month in something changed in my brain and …