A psychiatrist blogging about her own demons and trying to deal with them sober
I’m sat in my mum’s flat this evening as I’m staying over for the first time, listening to her cough as she tries to sleep. She’s not well again and although she rebuffed me last night, insisting she would be fine; she had a bad night and was frightened. Today she was quick to agree …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 5 (a new phase?)”
It’s been 4 months or so since I last wrote here about mum or anything else. I’ll tell about other things in another post. We had a really good summer with mum. She was relatively well in herself and 2 of my nephews who live overseas visited with their partners so she got to meet …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 4 (anticipating loss once again)”
When I hear the song Memories by Barbara Striesand I think of my mum. This week I’ve been reliving my horse memories, as we’ve made the sad decision to retire the little horse. Too many issues with uncertain outcomes. I read of the horrors in Ukraine, the losses so many are having to bear and …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 2: (making memories)”
Last Saturday my mum realised she’s going to die – soon. We don’t know how soon but soon enough we think. It’s a strange space to be in, this one of anticipatory grief and loss. The knowledge blows around you – sometimes gently reminding you to really appreciate a moment; others catching you with a …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries (Endings and Beginnings)”
My mum has not been too good lately. She has had heart failure for many years, caused by excess alcohol damaging her heart muscle. Since Christmas she has been increasingly short of breath and sometimes breathless at rest. She’s cancelled things, talked about viruses, needing to shake it off and the like. I’ve gently suggested …
I went to visit my dad this weekend. I’ve only seen him once in the last 2 years. There’s been an underlying tension between my step mum and siblings in the 40 plus years they’ve been together but I’ve managed to be peripheral to that as I managed to get on with her and could …
Last Friday my old dog Ruby was put to sleep. Although it’s been on the cards for the last few months or so it came on us quickly with a marked deterioration in a few days. I took her to the vets not really sure of what the outcome would be, trying to separate my …
My little cat was hit by a car this morning and killed. She’s always been a free spirit – we lost her numerous times, but she always found her way home one way or another. If her heart belonged to anyone it was to my eldest daughter E. In recent years the cat lived between …
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