Unresolved and ongoing loss

I went to visit my dad this weekend. I’ve only seen him once in the last 2 years. There’s been an underlying tension between my step mum and siblings in the 40 plus years they’ve been together but I’ve managed to be peripheral to that as I managed to get on with her and could …

Healing with Horses

Last weekend I went to an introduction to Equine Assisted Therapy. Given my love of horses and mental health background it’s something I’ve thought of doing for a long time. It didn’t disappoint. It’s a growing field with an increasing evidence base for lots of human problems, including addiction. There were 4 of us on …

Friendship, Support and Football

It’s Saturday evening here and I’m making dinner with C in the kitchen, listening to sweet soul music looking at the flowers, birds and waterfall in our beautiful back yard that C created. I’m still not smoking cannabis and I have noticed a shift in my attitude this week. I’d normally be stoned by now …

The Forest of Addiction

I started this post in the middle of May and it was titled ‘Becoming Content”. This is what I wrote: “Lately I’ve been noticing things more – the birds singing, the colour of the leaves against the sky or close to the earth, the smell of the blossom after the rain and the sunlight casting …

Triggers for change

I wrote recently about the ingredients of my addiction recipe but lately I’ve been thinking about the different things that got me to the point of making a change. I passed my 2 year alcohol free point this week. I didn’t feel the need to celebrate or mark it in anyway. It’s just how I …

Catching up with you all

I’ve not written for a while but for once that’s not because I’ve lapsed back into smoking dope! Tomorrow will be 5 weeks without cannabis as well as my younger daughter’s birthday! I did have a brief relapse of 5 days which I’m not sure I shared about. We got offered a little bit of …

What’s your addiction recipe?

The idea for this post came from a discussion on Collette’s blog, (Wine to Water) about Gabor Mate’s view that addiction is always rooted in childhood trauma (In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction). My friend did not see herself as having been traumatised as a child so this idea didn’t work …

Embracing Sobriety

So I’ve made it to 10 days cannabis free and it’s beginning to feel a bit pink cloud like. My sleep is improving again with slightly less crazy dreams! My energy levels are up and most exciting for me I wrote a piece for my other blog that has been in my head struggling to …

Checking in…day 3/day673

I’m awake an hour before my alarm was due to go off so I’ve drank tea and read blogs without taking time from my day – bliss! I decided on Saturday to keep track of what I do instead of smoke spliff to help keep my motivation so where better to record that than on …

January Reflections

It’s been a while since I’ve written and although I have lots of ideas I’m struggling to commit to writing them. I’ve noticed that bloggers come and go and I’m missing some of the bloggers I connected with when I first started on here (Jim and Nadine come back!) but I’m aware I’m drifting too. …