I was floating along in such a happy space when I last wrote it’s not surprising something burst my bubble. More specifically my mum did. We had a birthday tea for C with mum and J, my youngest. Lots of banter and fun, then J mentioned a story granny had told her – the time …
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Sobriety Update
Since my last post I’ve been busy living. Lots of work, some weekends away and I threw caution to the wind and bought a new horse! He’s an ex racer who’s had his basic retraining, and is very sweet natured. Hilariously he’s called Puff. Part of my thinking around getting him was that I would …
The Heart Failure Diaries 2: (making memories)
When I hear the song Memories by Barbara Striesand I think of my mum. This week I’ve been reliving my horse memories, as we’ve made the sad decision to retire the little horse. Too many issues with uncertain outcomes. I read of the horrors in Ukraine, the losses so many are having to bear and …
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The Heart Failure Diaries (Endings and Beginnings)
Last Saturday my mum realised she’s going to die – soon. We don’t know how soon but soon enough we think. It’s a strange space to be in, this one of anticipatory grief and loss. The knowledge blows around you – sometimes gently reminding you to really appreciate a moment; others catching you with a …
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An Honest Conversation
My mum has not been too good lately. She has had heart failure for many years, caused by excess alcohol damaging her heart muscle. Since Christmas she has been increasingly short of breath and sometimes breathless at rest. She’s cancelled things, talked about viruses, needing to shake it off and the like. I’ve gently suggested …
‘Don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel’
It’s been 7 months since I last wrote here. I have hardly been reading sobriety blogs either. I’m not sure I completely understand why but perhaps it will come to me as I write now. I hope you are all ok in your worlds and finding your way forward on your paths. Here’s what’s been …
Unresolved and ongoing loss
I went to visit my dad this weekend. I’ve only seen him once in the last 2 years. There’s been an underlying tension between my step mum and siblings in the 40 plus years they’ve been together but I’ve managed to be peripheral to that as I managed to get on with her and could …
Healing with Horses
Last weekend I went to an introduction to Equine Assisted Therapy. Given my love of horses and mental health background it’s something I’ve thought of doing for a long time. It didn’t disappoint. It’s a growing field with an increasing evidence base for lots of human problems, including addiction. There were 4 of us on …
Friendship, Support and Football
It’s Saturday evening here and I’m making dinner with C in the kitchen, listening to sweet soul music looking at the flowers, birds and waterfall in our beautiful back yard that C created. I’m still not smoking cannabis and I have noticed a shift in my attitude this week. I’d normally be stoned by now …
The Forest of Addiction
I started this post in the middle of May and it was titled ‘Becoming Content”. This is what I wrote: “Lately I’ve been noticing things more – the birds singing, the colour of the leaves against the sky or close to the earth, the smell of the blossom after the rain and the sunlight casting …
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