A psychiatrist blogging about her own demons and trying to deal with them sober
Thank you all for your lovely comments on my last post. It was like catching up with an old friend and realising you miss them. I’m back at mum’s tonight for my third night. When I came back on Monday evening as my sister was leaving my mum was a touch irritable; moaning about being …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 6 – a different space”
I’m sat in my mum’s flat this evening as I’m staying over for the first time, listening to her cough as she tries to sleep. She’s not well again and although she rebuffed me last night, insisting she would be fine; she had a bad night and was frightened. Today she was quick to agree …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 5 (a new phase?)”
I write nothing for nearly 4 months then 2 posts in 2 days! Part of why I hadn’t been writing was I started my Equine Assisted Therapy training in July. I had deferred it due to mum’s health but her improvement and encouragement from a friend that I shouldn’t put my life on hold meant …
It’s been 4 months or so since I last wrote here about mum or anything else. I’ll tell about other things in another post. We had a really good summer with mum. She was relatively well in herself and 2 of my nephews who live overseas visited with their partners so she got to meet …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 4 (anticipating loss once again)”
Since my last post about Mum and her failing heart we have had the Echo results and the review with the consultant. Her Echo showed her heart is working at a quarter of its function at best, sometimes less. The day before the appointment Mum had one of her worst days, breathless at rest. We …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 3 (Doctors score a late goal!)”
I was floating along in such a happy space when I last wrote it’s not surprising something burst my bubble. More specifically my mum did. We had a birthday tea for C with mum and J, my youngest. Lots of banter and fun, then J mentioned a story granny had told her – the time …
Since my last post I’ve been busy living. Lots of work, some weekends away and I threw caution to the wind and bought a new horse! He’s an ex racer who’s had his basic retraining, and is very sweet natured. Hilariously he’s called Puff. Part of my thinking around getting him was that I would …
When I hear the song Memories by Barbara Striesand I think of my mum. This week I’ve been reliving my horse memories, as we’ve made the sad decision to retire the little horse. Too many issues with uncertain outcomes. I read of the horrors in Ukraine, the losses so many are having to bear and …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 2: (making memories)”
Last Saturday my mum realised she’s going to die – soon. We don’t know how soon but soon enough we think. It’s a strange space to be in, this one of anticipatory grief and loss. The knowledge blows around you – sometimes gently reminding you to really appreciate a moment; others catching you with a …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries (Endings and Beginnings)”
My mum has not been too good lately. She has had heart failure for many years, caused by excess alcohol damaging her heart muscle. Since Christmas she has been increasingly short of breath and sometimes breathless at rest. She’s cancelled things, talked about viruses, needing to shake it off and the like. I’ve gently suggested …
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