Mothers and Daughters

I was floating along in such a happy space when I last wrote it’s not surprising something burst my bubble. More specifically my mum did. We had a birthday tea for C with mum and J, my youngest. Lots of banter and fun, then J mentioned a story granny had told her – the time …

The Heart Failure Diaries (Endings and Beginnings)

Last Saturday my mum realised she’s going to die – soon. We don’t know how soon but soon enough we think. It’s a strange space to be in, this one of anticipatory grief and loss. The knowledge blows around you – sometimes gently reminding you to really appreciate a moment; others catching you with a …

An Honest Conversation

My mum has not been too good lately. She has had heart failure for many years, caused by excess alcohol damaging her heart muscle. Since Christmas she has been increasingly short of breath and sometimes breathless at rest. She’s cancelled things, talked about viruses, needing to shake it off and the like. I’ve gently suggested …

Ghosts of Christmas past

Although this was my 2nd sober Christmas it felt like the first one. 2 years ago I’d stopped drinking on the 15th December. 10 days in I was raw, ashamed and shell shocked. This was new territory. I remember how lovely and kind my girls were that year – as if I was sick which …