A psychiatrist blogging about her own demons and trying to deal with them sober
I’m sat in my mum’s flat this evening as I’m staying over for the first time, listening to her cough as she tries to sleep. She’s not well again and although she rebuffed me last night, insisting she would be fine; she had a bad night and was frightened. Today she was quick to agree …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 5 (a new phase?)”
It’s been 4 months or so since I last wrote here about mum or anything else. I’ll tell about other things in another post. We had a really good summer with mum. She was relatively well in herself and 2 of my nephews who live overseas visited with their partners so she got to meet …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 4 (anticipating loss once again)”
Since my last post about Mum and her failing heart we have had the Echo results and the review with the consultant. Her Echo showed her heart is working at a quarter of its function at best, sometimes less. The day before the appointment Mum had one of her worst days, breathless at rest. We …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries 3 (Doctors score a late goal!)”
I was floating along in such a happy space when I last wrote it’s not surprising something burst my bubble. More specifically my mum did. We had a birthday tea for C with mum and J, my youngest. Lots of banter and fun, then J mentioned a story granny had told her – the time …
Last Saturday my mum realised she’s going to die – soon. We don’t know how soon but soon enough we think. It’s a strange space to be in, this one of anticipatory grief and loss. The knowledge blows around you – sometimes gently reminding you to really appreciate a moment; others catching you with a …
Continue reading “The Heart Failure Diaries (Endings and Beginnings)”
My mum has not been too good lately. She has had heart failure for many years, caused by excess alcohol damaging her heart muscle. Since Christmas she has been increasingly short of breath and sometimes breathless at rest. She’s cancelled things, talked about viruses, needing to shake it off and the like. I’ve gently suggested …
Although this was my 2nd sober Christmas it felt like the first one. 2 years ago I’d stopped drinking on the 15th December. 10 days in I was raw, ashamed and shell shocked. This was new territory. I remember how lovely and kind my girls were that year – as if I was sick which …
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