Since I’ve ‘come out’ as depressed I’ve felt as if I’ve allowed it in, to wash over me and occupy the space. ‘Like that poem’ my good friend A said as I tried to explain what I meant. I looked it up and Rumi says it far better than I ever could. Most of my …
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Does a diagnosis make a difference?
My last post – The Retreat led to an interesting discussion about depression and anti-depressants in the comments section amongst fellow bloggers. I had been to my GP as I’m off work so needed a sick note. I asked my doctor to write depression on the note which was in itself a significant step for …
The Retreat
I saw my doctor Friday morning for a sick note and left with a prescription for antidepressants and a heavy heart. I didn’t want to go to the retreat. I didn’t want to talk to anyone let alone strangers. ‘What if they’re a bunch of weirdos?’ I said to my daughter J. ‘Well you’ll fit …
Stuck in the spin cycle
My plan to approach 2020 with tolerance and acceptance (mainly aimed at my job) got derailed after 2 days as shared in previous post. Talking it over with C brought some insights that I thought worth sharing. As we talked over what is bothering me I was lamenting how every time I try to manage …
The Drugs don’t Work
My little cat was hit by a car this morning and killed. She’s always been a free spirit – we lost her numerous times, but she always found her way home one way or another. If her heart belonged to anyone it was to my eldest daughter E. In recent years the cat lived between …
Struggling with acceptance
I mentioned in a previous blogpost that after inspiration from a fellow blogger my word for 2020 would be acceptance. The reason for this choice is that I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to fix things or to change things. Constantly mixing it up and seeking newness and challenges which have also functioned …
The love of horses
I’ve been hesitant about writing this post as it’s not just my story but my younger daughters’ as well. I’ve always talked too much about my girls to my friends, sharing their trials and tribulations and they don’t like it. I’ve got better at containing myself but I know I’m on a line here that …
New Year past and present
I began and ended 2019 in the beautiful County of Northumberland. Last year we were with friends (and drinking); this year just me, C and the dogs. Lots of scrabble, beach walks and for me an all consuming jigsaw. If I hadn’t finished it this morning I doubt I’d be writing this! We spent last …
Ghosts of Christmas past
Although this was my 2nd sober Christmas it felt like the first one. 2 years ago I’d stopped drinking on the 15th December. 10 days in I was raw, ashamed and shell shocked. This was new territory. I remember how lovely and kind my girls were that year – as if I was sick which …
Happy Holidays everyone
Just catching up with some posts this morning before I get up and write the final Christmas list of tasks – presents still to get and wrap, food to buy and cook. As soon as I’ve written it I need to get on with doing it! The election and the depressed mood afterwards delayed my …
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