It’s ironic that since I wrote the last post about time and taking things slowly I’ve been really busy and felt like I’ve had no time at all! No time to do yoga, no time to meditate and no time to blog! I’ve missed all of them but blogging especially. Managed to keep up with reading some other blogs though. Like a lot of you have also said you are really like friends and I get a lot from hearing how things are; and what’s going on for you all as well as from your lovely comments back to me. For the first time ever as a technology Luddite I get how people can ‘live’ on line and shun the real world. It’s probably my most important sober tool.
So what’s been keeping me away from you? Work mainly. I dropped to 3 days at work 6 months ago and started working for myself a bit too. I’d said yes to too many court reports and they all came at once, coupled with lots of deadlines in my day job. It’s interesting work but time consuming and I never allow enough time so always end up getting stressed. I did notice though this Sunday evening when the laptop failed to save what I’d just done I didn’t have a meltdown! Drinking me would have been distraught – having to delay that Sauvignon blanc another half hour would have been the final straw!
I’ve also been socialising a bit more in a low key way but I think that’s how I roll these days. One on one or small groups. I saw a wonderful play – The Red Dust Road, adaptation of the poet Jackie Kay’s memoir – by chance as my friends husband couldn’t go, then I got tickets for me and my pal to hear her interviewed a few days after about the play, her life, and she read some of her poetry. I loved the book and the play and I came away from the reading a bit in love with her and her words. I was really buzzing – and sober! That was great! Words, writing, reading, people’s stories. I’m rediscovering my passion for them. For me psychiatry and therapy has always been about people’s stories; not about what’s wrong with someone but rather how can we help them make sense of what has happened to them and understand how they have adapted to survive that? The difference with writers and poets is they can say it in a way that we all feel it, we all know what they mean and it’s just beautiful.
Today was the first day I’ve not had much to do. The time went too quickly and I got down on myself for not making the most of it. I did do some yoga and meditate though; walked the dogs twice and here I am writing so I’ll take that as a good day and time well spent. I’ve lots of ideas in my head that I need to find time to write, and lots I want to read, but that sense of not having enough time is creeping in again. I’m planning to stop smoking on 1st October and I’m hoping that will create some space. It’s not so long ago that I couldn’t imagine filling the time that drinking took so this is progress. I’m going to ease off on the work though for a bit and hopefully do more blogging!