It’s Saturday evening here and I’m making dinner with C in the kitchen, listening to sweet soul music looking at the flowers, birds and waterfall in our beautiful back yard that C created. I’m still not smoking cannabis and I have noticed a shift in my attitude this week. I’d normally be stoned by now on a Saturday so writing wouldn’t be an option! I know I want to do this instead of toying with moderation. I’ve been reading blogs again, and downloaded a tracker app as that helped me with alcohol a lot. Ive watched the tennis and football when I can and got really absorbed – fully present for the experience. I’ve planned and booked things over the summer including an Equine Assisted Therapy study day tomorrow. It’s something I’ve thought about pursuing for a long time so I’m taking the first step. Exciting! Writing the post last week really helped my motivation as did all your comments and support – thank you lovely people! Also had a lovely long chat with my best friend B last week. I’ve not seen her since before the pandemic and I miss her. We’ve been friends since our teens, united by a love of Paul Weller then and now and she knows me better than anyone. She has been the most understanding and supportive of all my friends in my quest for sobriety so if you’re reading this B thank you and I love you!
I’ve felt better all week, in spite of not sleeping well and being really busy. I’m more focused, more connected and calmer…..but I’m a little anxious about tomorrow. We’re watching the Euros final at a friends house and there will be smoking and drinking involved for others. It will also take me back to tournaments past when we all got together, got drunk and shouted at the TV. After the game against Denmark I was so hyped up I couldn’t sleep so I know I could be tempted.
Talking of football I love the current England team and manager. They are a breath of fresh air in this country when selfishness, corruption and hate seem to be championed by our government. They play as a team and there are seemingly no big egos. They use their position to highlight inequalities, racism and wear rainbow armbands. God knows what the nationalistic flag waving fans make of them but they give me hope. I wish Gareth Southgate ran the country! I love the collective spirit of watching the big games and it will be fun to watch in a group again. I need to remember that none of that is diminished by being sober, it will likely be better for it and certainly more memorable!
My other news is we have a new dog – Boy George! He came from Bulgaria where my younger brother lives. He’s taken to rescuing dogs and it seems to suit him. He’s a troubled soul having had the hardest time of all of us growing up. The dogs have given him purpose and I think this is the happiest I’ve known him. George is a delight and Clio has taken to him surprisingly well. Unfortunately the cat hasn’t as George chases him so we have a baby gate to keep them apart when we’re working. The cat has bullied the dogs for years so he’s struggling with his loss of power. I’m sure he’ll figure out a way to get it back in time!
So no doubt tomorrow I’ll be humming ‘It’s coming home’ all day as I have most of the week and will hopefully enjoy the match whether England win or lose but more importantly stay sober!