Embracing Sobriety

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

So I’ve made it to 10 days cannabis free and it’s beginning to feel a bit pink cloud like. My sleep is improving again with slightly less crazy dreams! My energy levels are up and most exciting for me I wrote a piece for my other blog that has been in my head struggling to make it out due to stoned stupor for a long time. The editor of the publication I submitted it to likes it a lot and is working on polishing it before publishing. I feel so good about finally doing one of the things I really want to do. Next week is early morning Pranayama again and I’m confident I’ll make it out of bed all week. Concrete changes I can use to motivate me.

It’s not all been easy though. My arthritis is more painful without cannabis so I think I need to get some CBD oil. I had a low 24 hours in the week and I had persistent thoughts of drinking. I was in the shop and stood in front of the wine contemplating getting a bottle. In my head were thoughts of not having fun and missing out but when I considered drinking a bottle of Merlot alone I realised how sad and not fun that really was. I told myself if I still wanted it tomorrow then I would buy it. Thankfully I woke up in a much better mood and was relieved. The wine witch changed tack and I found myself musing about wine with meals – surely that would be ok? I saw a half full bottle of red in the cupboard – I think C got it for cooking the beef stifado he’s making for Valentine’s Day. I sniffed it imagining the taste then thought about how I could never stop at one; I drank to get drunk. I recalled the wise words of fellow bloggers who have tried moderation. I thought about my girls and my health and the moment passed. Phew!

What I’m taking from this is addiction is addiction, and when you can’t have one thing you want another. Substitution is not the same as sobriety. I may be nearly 2 years alcohol free but I’m only 10 days sober. Those grooves in my mind have yet to turn into impassable tracks and perhaps they never will. I still have a way to go to turn the healthy paths into easy drive highways. I need to redefine “fun” for a start!
Whilst much of the fun in my life to date has involved intoxication in various forms, it’s also involved lovely people, good music and good food. The most fun I’ve ever had is on a horse. The bit that’s hard for me is finding the fun in the little things – a game, a film, a walk or a meal. I was always preoccupied with the accompanying or soon to come booze or spliff to fully appreciate them. Sobriety means you can be in the moment and fully appreciate and enjoy it. A slower gentler kind of fun but ultimately more nurturing for the soul. Hope you’re all doing ok and Happy Valentine’s Day!

Photo by Gabby K on Pexels.com

Join the Conversation

19 Comments

  1. Congratulations on 10 days! Yes it’s the getting over the need for “something” that’s the hard part. Happy Valentine’s Day, friend. ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. awesome..just awesome..i have long been of the mind that those who quit drinking but still indulge in cannabis are not “really” sober, but substituting. And while if i actually had to choose one, ( and could handle it) i would choose cannabis, and feel that it is certainly less toxic than alcohol , deep down i know using either( for me) is just an escape mechanism. I never condemn anyone for using though, because if used for true medical reasons( cancer , etc) as a nurse i must say i am on board with that. Also , most around me do indulge in it recreationally and have very few real issues- IF they are able to moderate. But as we know, addictive tendencies mean there is very little chance moderation will work for us. Congrats and keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Lovie – I too know many who use it recreationally and can moderate but I can’t and although it would be my drug of choice if I could it’s taking more than it’s giving just like alcohol – there’s a lot to escape right now but we can deal with it all so much better with a clear head! 💞💞

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Valentines Day. ❤️
    It’s fantastic that you have reached 10 days sober. I too have had the wine witch come calling recently and the other evening I almost drove to buy myself a bottle of wine. I had the car keys in my hand and in the end I did the same. I told myself I’d see how I felt in the morning and if I still wanted a drink the next day I could have one. Luckily the craving had gone but it’s become a battle again for me. You hit the nail on the head … I’m finding it hard to feel the ‘fun’ in anything. I know drinking is not fun in the long term but it did give fairly mediocre times a ‘kick’. Life lacks that kick for me right now. Working for the NHS is causing me huge stress at the moment and I’m looking for the reliever, the celebratory ‘I made it though the week’. But I know full well that very quickly becomes the celebratory ‘I made it through Monday’ drink. Ho hum. Lovely to read your posts again xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Claire – good to hear from you too! I can only imagine the stress you’re under in the NHS right now and there is so little else going on to feel good about it’s perfect conditions for the wine witch to peck your head. Interesting we used the same strategy. I’m not usually an advocate of a lot of consuming but I’m thinking can you order nice candles, Bath stuff etc -like really nice expensive ones, bottle of good AF drink -posh chocolates – mega treats basically as you so deserve them for doing what you do without numbing out – sending big hugs and love 💕 💞💞

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey. I am trying to treat myself and find time. I ensure I do yoga everyday and I am also doing guided meditation which now feels like the equivalent of a lovely massage. Today has probably been the best day in terms of my mental health I have had for a long while. I know I can get on top of this … I just need to find the right tools. Thanks for the lovely words. Sending hugs and love right back at ya 💕💕💕

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: